My family’s mouths moved a mile a minute. Frankly, I couldn’t really keep up with a soul—not with my cousin loudly talking, my sister announcing that the turkey needed to come out of the oven, my brother reaching for the knife that was on the other side of me. Not while I was trying to reach across the counter for another cheese slice to put on my cracker.

A lot was going on…

Mouths were moving, volume levels were turned up, people bounced everywhere, and there I was, standing in the center of it all, wondering, “How do I actually have a meaningful conversation amidst all this holiday distraction?”

This festive dynamic can be a hard one to break through. Maybe you know what I’m talking about…

Perhaps you long for meaningful conversations amidst a hundred shallow happenings. Maybe you want to know how people really are, instead of commenting about the weather or what is happening around you.

If you are that sort of person, I get you. I’ve experienced this dilemma time and time again—last Christmas, and the Christmas before that, and the one before that. And what I have learned is that pre-planning is an important ingredient to intentionality. On the flipside, a lack of planning is a recipe for insanity.

I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Some say Albert Einstein said it, but either way—expecting things to change and doing things the same way is a recipe for insanity.

So, what are we to do?

Here are three ideas to forge real family connection:

1. Bring mini-gifts, fun gifts, or crafted gifts for specific people you want to catch up with. Text them in advance and let them know you have something for them at the party. Ask for 15 minutes to sit with them to give them the gift. Once seated and away from all the craziness, you can share the gift and ask them how they are really doing.
2. Create a family project. Perhaps have a family poster board or large white sheet on one wall. You can invite the family to write one or two words that represent who your family is. Or you could prompt them with one intentional question to include on the page. It could be a keepsake from every Christmas. It also provides great conversation starters that go beyond how the pies taste.
3. Develop table questions. Ask the hostess if you can bring a couple of questions to put in the center of the table. Each family member could pick a question that they answer during the family feast. This is a great way to bring Jesus into the conversation.

These are only ideas, but God will lead you in your own! The key is not to act foolishly but to be discerning.

“Don’t act thoughtlessly but understand what the Lord wants you to do.” (Eph. 5:17 NLT)

God will help you in the way you should go! He gives wisdom to those who ask (James 1:5). Certainly, you can’t change the dynamic for everyone, but you can change it with those you are talking to, as you ask pointed and heartfelt questions.

Let’s pray about this: God, we ask You to give us wisdom as we love those in our family. We ask to discern rightly what You want us to do with each person. Let us show Your love. Help us to take down walls so that intentional and meaningful conversation occurs. We thank You for this. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

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