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Finding Contentment When You’re Lonely

by: Kelly Balarie


I looked at my phone. No messages. I thought about my week. Hardly any phone calls. Times with friends? Few and far between. What gives? I considered whether I should put myself down for not being with people. Should I do better? Should I try harder? Or should I decide that I am unwanted because I am alone?

Have you ever questioned or doubted yourself, your worth, or your impact because you often find yourself alone?

In American culture, all around us we see connectedness. On TV commercials, we see people watching a football game and laughing together. Pharmaceutical ads convey connection, people walking outside together. Even the holidays project pictures of everyone, everywhere enjoying the best of family.

What about us, we think? Why am I set apart as I am? Is there something wrong with me? Aloneness can seem like wastefulness in our culture, throw-away time. But is it? And how do we find deep satisfaction in times of real isolation?

Here are concepts to consider:

1. Jesus often spent time alone. Even He experienced “lonely places.”

“The news about him spread all the more, so that crowds of people came to hear him and to be healed of their sicknesses. But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” (Luke 5:15-16 NIV)

What we must remember is this: to pray is to never be alone; it is to be with God.

2. Jesus invited His disciples to come away with Him.

 “Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, [Jesus] said to them, ‘Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.’ So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place.” (Mark 6:31-32)

My friends, resting isn’t wrong; we don’t have to feel guilty about it. It is right to be quiet and to be alone, to come away, and to come into God’s love and peace. In this space, we find real spiritual food, necessary for all the transitions and interactions to come. Alone time is rest-time and recovery-time, so we can love others from God’s overflow instead of our own overwhelm.

3. Jesus was set apart from familiar people to press into uncommon connection.

Being about the Father’s business can sometimes mean we move away from our most common connections. Remember when Jesus was missing? His parents couldn’t find Him, so they returned to Jerusalem to search…

“After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers. When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, ‘Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you.’ ‘Why were you searching for me?’ he asked. ‘Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?’ But they did not understand what he was saying to them.” (Luke 2:46-50 NIV)


Sometimes we are sent out and set apart as a God set up – so we can reach those who most need love, truth, or the fullness of the gospel. We are all on a mission to do the Father’s work.

In quietness, we may quilt. In solitude, we pray. In aloneness, we hear God’s heart for others. In rest, we are recovered with a new call to minister to someone in need. God knows…

Ultimately, quietness is wonderful connectedness with God and with His heart.

Don’t disdain this special place and space, or put yourself down about it — embrace it.


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Kelly Balarie

Kelly Balarie, author (Battle Ready, Rest Now, Take Every Thought Captive), speaker, and blogger, delights in joining hands with women as they go through life’s ups and downs. To see God move to revive hearts, to restore relationships, and to bring hope to weary souls highlight moments for Kelly. Beyond this, Kelly has led spiritual growth Bible study groups and has been seen on TODAY, The 700 Club, Crosswalk.com, iBelieve.com, and (in)courage. Her work has also been featured by Relevant and Today’s Christian Woman. She lives with her husband and two kiddos on the East Coast.

Get all of Kelly’s blog posts by email!

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