“The only way to have a friend is to be one.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

“Be the type of friend you’d want to have.”

“A friend sticks closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24b (NLT)

All of these familiar phrases are commonplace as we grow up, our parents instilling in us some motivation for friendship goals. And all of these phrases ring true and are good advice. But rarely are relationships this simple. Healthy friendships bring out the best in us. They highlight the best parts of ourselves, make us feel included and valued and help us plant our feet in our curent life stage. But they can also be simultaneously heartbreaking, disappointing, and oh so tricky. If there’s anything we can over-complicate, choose poorly in, and just plain mess up, it’s relationships.

No matter your age, having friendships that are rock solid and add value to your life is something we all need. We come hard-wired with a need for relationship, one with Christ. Beyond that, God’s desire is that we would do life with other like-minded people and find joy in those relationships. That we would lead others to Him through the example we set in our daily living. Jesus Himself valued relationships. In face, they were a crucial part of His ministry. Once He called His followers, we are hard-pressed to find instances where Jesus did not surround Himself with those He loved. He taught them, poured into them, and no-doubt had fun with them. Jesus valued loyalty. He didn’t require perfection, but He chose real people, who could admit their faults, to be His closest allies.

No matter your age, having friendships that are rock solid and add value to your life is something we all need. We come hard-wired with a need for relationship, one with Christ. Beyond that, God’s desire is that we would do life with other like-minded people and find joy in those relationships.

So, whether you are an adult who has just moved to a new city and are in desperate need for some “people”, or a parent who wants to steer their child/teen towards good relationships, here’s some practical advice on the types of friendships we should pursue.

Friendship 101

Take Your Time. To get a certain level of comfortability, trust, and authenticity in your friendships, it will simply take time. And time is your ally in this instance. The longer you spend with someone, the deeper your friendship will grow. Jesus and His followers spent many hours together in their traveling from city to city, spreading His message. All that time afforded His friends the chance to really see the heart of Jesus, deepening their commitment to Him. So, allow yourself some time to make sure the person you are investing in is worth it. And before long you will know the good, the bad, the ridiculous and illogical, and love it all.

Look for Stability. The Bible says in Proverbs 24:24-25 (NLT), “Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul.” Simply put, avoid deep relationships with people whose emotions rule them, people from whom you have the ability to adopt unhealthy habits. One who is the same in all seasons, who is steady, will prove trustworthy.

Value Loyalty. “A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need,” Proverbs 17:17 (NLT). In this passage, King Solomon is encouraging us to recognize that a loyal and true friend is one that leans in even when it’s uncomfortable. Who is there when you hit a rough patch? When an inevitable valley comes in your life, who is willing to stand beside you? One that can handle both the highs and lows, is a friend worth having.

Go Where God Leads. Jesus literally wrote the book on befriending the less lovable, unclean and even outcast members of His society. He sought out those that needed to know they mattered. So, we can strive to make it a running attitude of our hearts that we are open to those God may place in our path. You might find that some of your richest friendships come from God’s prompting your heart to connect with someone that you may never have tried to on your own. Someone that you may have overlooked for years or was never on your radar. When God opens a door, it’s so rewarding for us to walk through it and see what He may have for us.

Be encouraged that even though our friendships may not be perfect, there is one relationship in our lives that can always remain honest and simple. Jesus loves us and died on the cross in our place so that we could have never-ending (no matter what), genuine, soul-shaping relationship with God the Father. He loves us as we are, never requiring perfection and only desiring that we draw close to Him. He knows the quirks, the hang-ups and the crazy we feel we possess and still, remains loyal and stable – for all time. He is the truest friend!