With five grown children, my daughters and unmarried son stay closer than my married sons even though one lives nearby. The married sons tend to cling their spouses and that’s biblical. They will spend holidays with them and avoid me. That can sting, but I let go and am thankful for other times we get together. They are all supportive of their siblings and that was evident when one was recently widowed at a young age with five children. They all came and spent time with their sister, nieces, and nephews. That’s a great side of family.

Your adult children may have married, started a family, or begun a career. That changes relationships and sometimes it’s hard for them to fit you in or stay connected. They are finding their way in their new world. The distance may cause you loneliness, sadness, confusion,  frustration, or even anger. Give them space, be thankful for memories, and let go as you pray and continue to show love. Make positive choices. Instead of being alone for one holiday I flew and spent time with my older brother and his family.

Distanced

Avoid trying to guess why they are distant or if you unknowingly did something hurtful. Trust you did your best. Keep praying for their lives, relationships, careers, health, and finances.  Be available, be kind, and reach out in simple ways. Send cards or call just to say hello and update them on your news. Let them know you’d love to have them visit, attend an event together, or simply share their news. Let them know you’re available to pet sit, babysit, help with a repair, or support them in other ways.

Proactive Steps

Remember their special days and send a gift with a few photos from their childhood and write about a light-hearted memory. Send cards, but keep them short, to your child’s spouse to and share a story that will reveal a little of how they reacted or dreamed as a child. Thank him or her for loving your child they married. A child bonds with the spouse and that’s biblical, especially for men. Genesis 2:24 speaks of a man leaving and cleaving. Be thankful they are united and care for one another.

Cards allow your grown children time to process your words and thoughts.

Send care packages to the grands with fun activities, books, and photos of their parent at the child’s current age. Cards allow your grown children time to process your words and thoughts. They are short and positive while showing you are thinking of them. Invite them for special days, outings, or a shared vacation. They will know you care even if they refuse.

Dividers, Respect, and Praying through the Waiting

Politics or faith perspectives may be different from yours and cause some of distancing. Respect their choices and don’t use the grands to try to change their beliefs. It’s natural for adults to try new choices and choose what they believe will work better. Pray for God to reveal truth to you and them. Remember that leaders come and go but God remains. He has raised up Herod and other wicked leaders for His purposes, and even Germans were fooled by Hitler. God must remain more important than politics.

Be a grand who loves the grands without putting them in the middle of the estrangement. They are innocent and want to believe their parents know best. Trying to reduce their trust in their parents will not reunite your family.

Mental illness or feelings of not having lived up to your expectations can also be an underlying cause of estrangement. They may remain separated due to shame of admitting they have a mental illness or major health issue. They hide their flaws. Ask God to bless them and help them be authentic. Sharing struggles brings healing, so also share your own struggles of aging without complaining. Instead, share the joy of a long life full of good memories.

A prodigal may create distance but you can pray for his or her faith without preaching. Simply continue to be loving and remain faithful to God. The prodigal father kept a watch for his younger son to return but continued with his work and life.

Live your life and fill it with friends and volunteering. New activities can fill voids and help you wait on your children to turn back. Engage in activities that bring joy from hobbies, walking, to cooking, or concerts. Join a group that relates to your interests. You’ll find people to gather with for events.

Inner Peace

Real peace comes from God and thus it’s not dependent on relationships. Read your Bible and listen to Christian music. Prayer walk to exercise in creation while you pray for family.

What Really Matters

What matters most is your relationship with God and your heart condition. So practice forgiveness and ask for more joy. Forgive your child anytime you feel lonely or hurt and rejoice that he or she is not alone.

Life Hacks for More Inner Peace

·  Protect your emotions and health. Do an emotional assessment and talk to God and  

   close friends about how you are doing.

·  Listen to kids with your heart and respond with encouragement.

·  Refuse to argue, with noncommittal responses such as ‘thanks for sharing your 

    opinion.’

·  Keep boundaries with children who take advantage of you or your finances.

·  For solo holidays, set alternate dates to celebrate, possibly online.

·  Thank God for your blessings.

·  Volunteer to feed the hungry on holidays.

·  Nurture uplifting friendships. Plan activities with them.

Matthew 4:1-11 explains that Jesus spent time alone in the desert tempted by Satan. Sometimes God allows us to be alone to test our love for Him, or to grow and appreciate the times we are with others. Let the times alone become times to pray, rejoice with praise music, and appreciate your blessings.

Look at photo albums and rejoice for the memories. Ask God to bless you with new celebrations and new times with family and friends who have stayed connected.