Childhood trauma can have a lasting impact on mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health if not addressed. Learning to process events, forgive others for their part, and gaining healthy perspectives are difference makers in the level and length of impact the trauma has on a child.

The first step of forgiveness is to acknowledge what happened.

Trauma experienced but left unprocessed to gain perspective and walk through the forgiveness process can result in mental health issues such as anxiety and depression, chronic physical health issues such as autoimmune diseases, emotional processing issues-particularly in the area of relationships, and spiritual health issues including the ability to trust God and develop a close relationship with Him.

Grief and Loss
Because we are all uniquely created individuals, a particular event may impact one person severely and be of little consequence to another. Many factors come into play that will determine the impact for years to come. Any time a person experiences loss, there is some level of trauma and grief. How much impact is based on several factors, including:

The age of the child.
The developmental level of the child.
The family structure at the time of the event.
The level and type of support each family member gives.

Experiencing loss of any type, whether the death of a loved one, a diagnosis of a disease requiring medical intervention, or due to a natural disaster or an accident is a part of living on this earth. These are all examples of childhood experiences that are traumatic in nature but are no one particular person’s fault. Given the right support and nurturing, most children are resilient enough to move through the experience with a healthy perspective and little lasting impact.

Witnessing Violence
Children who witness violence, whether in the streets, in a school, or in their home; are far more likely to experience PTSD from the trauma they have seen. It is estimated that most children  will observe some type of violence before they reach adulthood. Yet, not all suffer the long-term consequences. As with grief and loss, the outcomes are based on the level of support a child has to overcome the trauma. Not that a child will forget what they’ve witnessed, but the best outcome is achieved when they are able to process through it with a trained professional.

Abuse
Thankfully, abuse of a child is not a common occurrence, but for those who experience it, the consequences are far-reaching. It is much more likely that the person will experience PTSD into adulthood. According to the National Children’s Alliance, 17% of the 400,000 abuse cases were physical abuse and 11% were sexual abuse. The remainder of victims experienced neglect, the most common form of abuse.

Other Forms of Trauma
It is commonplace for children to experience rejection and bullying, particularly since the advent of the internet. Social media platforms are filled with cyberbullies who are cowardly enough to sit behind a screen taunting and making up lies in a way they never would face to face. As bullies mock, rejection from peers takes place, then shame sets in. Sadly, this often leads to a breakdown in the child and sometimes leads to suicidal ideation. It should be noted that cyberbullying is a crime and punishable by law, however the shame prevents people from reporting it, and the bullies continue being keyboard warriors who inflict harm on their victims.

Forgiving The One Who Inflicted the Trauma
A major key to overcoming the impact of childhood trauma is to forgive the person who inflicted the trauma, either directly or indirectly. Forgiveness is an action, not an emotion and forgiving does not mean forgetting.  Forgiveness is a choice each person can make, to let go of the actions another person took against them, to refuse to hold resentment or animosity, and to move forward without the chains.

Biblically speaking, forgiving the person who inflicted the trauma actually sets the victim free from the mental and emotional anguish. Throughout Scripture, we are urged to forgive others and we are told of the benefits in doing so. In Matthew 6:14 we are told to forgive others, so God may forgive us. Ephesians 4:32 reminds us to forgive others, because God forgave us.

We forgive by faith, not feelings. Because feelings get in the way, we may find we need to repeatedly speak the forgiveness in prayer or aloud, reminding ourselves of our choice to forgive, despite the injustice.

The Process
Oftentimes, moving through the process of forgiving a person who inflicted childhood trauma requires the help of a professional counselor (preferably a Christian Counselor who lends Biblical counsel). Sometimes, a person can work through the process with the help of God. Whatever help is needed is the right option.

The first step of forgiveness is to acknowledge what happened. Next, you have to believe God will work in your situation, and that He can heal you from the trauma that keeps you bound to the past. Then, as I stated above, you need to choose to forgive the person. Do it by faith, not emotions. Every time resentment, anger, and memories of incidents rise up in your mind, choose to remind yourself it is in the past and you’ve forgiven the person.

Empathizing with the person is an important piece of the process. I’ll give an example. My own mother wobbled between harshness and neglect. I was set free as an adult and was able to forgive her when I processed through what her life was like. At 16, she’d made decisions that changed the trajectory of her life forever. Until then, she was a model student and served in the local church as a pianist and teacher’s aide for Sunday School students. Wrong choices with my twenty-year-old dad led to a pregnancy and a hasty marriage, with my sister born shortly after my mom’s 17^th birthday. The following year, I was born. The year after, my brother entered the world.

Imagine being 19 and having three kids in diapers, living on a farm with no running water or electricity, being a half mile from any neighbor and ten miles from family or a grocery store, having no license, and your husband works out of town all week! Bitterness crept in as she blamed her situation on everyone but herself. I’ll spare you the details but suffice to say, our home was not a happy home.

There is hope, and healing is possible. It starts with forgiveness.

As a working mom trying to raise children of my own, I began to empathize and began praying for God to help me to forgive her. As my perspective shifted and I empathized with her situation, I was able to begin feeling love toward her. In my personal situation, I first made the actionable choice to forgive, then the feelings followed. Each person’s circumstances are unique and may not follow this trajectory depending on the type of trauma. Every journey of healing will be different.

Sometimes life events are traumatic. Not all trauma is the result of a person inflicting harm. Some traumas are just a reality of the world we live in; where there’s a time to be born and a time to die, and things like natural disasters and crime abound. Some trauma happens because of the actions of others, and we become victims of childhood trauma. There is hope, and healing is possible. It starts with forgiveness. Are you willing to choose to take the first step, either in your quiet time with God or while sitting with a professionally trained trauma specialist?