We meant it when we pledged “in sickness and health; for better or worse,” but none of us imagined how heavy the “worse” might feel. In those tough stretches, how can a husband and wife TEAM so their love not only survives—but grows?

Talk Tender

When pressure mounts—from finances, health issues, career change, a move, a special needs child, caring for aging parents, or some other outside stressors—marriages often suffer in silence. But silence creates distance. Instead, choose to communicate openly, yet gently. Share your fears, frustrations, and feelings without fault-finding or finger-pointing. Tender truth-telling builds trust. Plan regular heart-to-heart talks to keep love alive.

Marriages often suffer in silence.

For the past decade, Bill and I have been caring for his aging parents, and on top of caring for them, I had a near-death coma caused by escalating out of control glucose. I recovered (with Bill’s tender loving care) and a year later I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer! Our seasoned love was in life’s pressure-cooker!

During the Covid shutdown, we penned The Marriage Meet Up: Devotional Planner for couples who Want Passion, Purpose and Productivity. We set aside a few hours for a “Monday Morning Marriage Meeting” where we could share our hearts and plan ways to strengthen our love even in this strenuous season. We discovered that “Coffee + conversation= connection!”

Even though we were living tiny (in a 400 square foot RV on my in-laws property so we were near to help them), we created a lovely bistro garden table with comfy wicker chairs complete with a lovely shade umbrella for daily chats, and twinkling lights for a little late-night romance. We created a safe space for our love when all the world was in crisis, and the proactive habit of those marriage meet ups provided, and still provides strength and security to our love.

Where in your apartment, RV, home or yard can you create a cozy conversation getaway?

“Instead, speaking the truth in love…” – Ephesians 4:15 (NIV)

Encourage Always

During difficult times, it’s easy to focus on what’s wrong and overlook what’s right. But couples who survive and thrive through trials are those who choose to speak life. A kind word, a simple compliment, or a whispered prayer can uplift a weary soul. Make it your mission to be your spouse’s #1 encourager—especially when the world feels heavy.

During difficult times, it’s easy to focus on what’s wrong and overlook what’s right. But couples who survive and thrive through trials are those who choose to speak life.

We suggest you two create a rhythm of encouragement. Greet each other with a hug and a kiss and “Good Morning”. 90%Couples that do this simple starter say their whole day improves! We also have a fun habit of each time we pray and bless the food; we kiss each other! We have been doing this since we got engaged over 47 years ago! It is nearly impossible to be angry or frustrated when you kiss this often! Then, for the past 15 years, I have set my phone alarm to ring at 3:20 each afternoon, and I pray Eph. 3:20 over our marriage, family (and whomever we are with at 3:20):

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” (Eph 3:20 NIV)

Even if our schedules vary day by day, we try to always eat dinner and take a sunset prayer walk together. Lastly, we retire to bed together, cradle each other and pray over one another each night. By weaving God into our life all day, we find that the words we choose tend to be kind, affirming, and uplifting.

“Encourage one another daily…” – Hebrews 3:13

Anchor to the Word

Feelings will fluctuate. Circumstances will shift. But God’s Word stands firm. When life shakes your marriage, let Scripture steady your hearts. Post verses on the fridge, pray them aloud, or declare them together during devotions. God’s promises remind you that you’re not alone—and that He is faithful to strengthen your love through every storm.

Feelings will fluctuate. Circumstances will shift. But God’s Word stands firm.

In one particularly strenuous season, when selling our home to move to be caregivers was taking many more months than we hoped and we were watching our stress rise and bank account dwindle, I was writing my portion of Discovering Hope in the Psalms: A Creative Bible Study Experience, so we daily read and prayed through a Psalm together. One day, we both teared up as we read God’s promise to us:

“You who have made me see many troubles and calamities will revive me again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up again. You will increase my greatness and [will]comfort me again.” (Psalm 71:20-21 ESV emphasis added)

We both wear glasses, so we committed to say this verse each time we took our glasses on and off until our home sold. This scripture helped us see God’s movement in our life with more clarity—and helped us continue to see and treat one another with more compassion.

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul…” – Hebrews 6:19

Mobilize as One

Tough times can either drive couples apart or draw them closer. The difference lies in the decision to walk through hardship hand in hand. Don’t retreat from each other—press in. Take the next steps together: go on a daily prayer walk, keep attending church or small group, join a group giving help in your area of stress, have a meal with a mentor couple, or find a Christian counselor and go together to the sessions. For us, teaching on marriage in coaching sessions, for marriage enrichment events and conferences and weekend getaways, became an oasis as we “practiced what we preached!”

“Two are better than one… if either of them falls, one can help the other up.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 This year we will celebrate our 47^th anniversary, and we look forward to being a winning TEAM for years to come!