Return to Your First Love

I will never forget that moment he showed up at my apartment door with a surprise in hand. We were supposed to get together to study for our Human Physiology exam. Yet, my friend arrived with my favorite dessert, cookie cake, decorated in my favorite colors, pink and blue, with the words, “Happy Birthday, Rachael.” He didn’t know it then, but my love language is gifts, and this remembrance of my birthday with a gift that screamed, “I know you!” was the beginning of my falling in love with the man who would soon become my husband. 

I must admit that there have been moments in the last twenty years of our relationship when I forgot this story and the reasons I fell in love with my husband in the first place. 

We have all the same excuses most married couples encounter that cause a drift…work, business, kids, and the increased demands and pressures of life that can blind our vision and make us forget why we chose each other in the first place. 

In counseling women and married couples, I see how easily resentment and disappointments can settle into our hearts, choking out our love for one another and the Lord. 

The good news is that we can choose every day to decide to turn back to our first love, both in marriage and our relationship with the Lord. 

Remember these 3 Rs when you feel distant from your spouse and the Lord:

Return

I was driving home from work recently and said aloud, “Lord, I miss you.” I immediately felt Him whisper, “Then come back.” In the busyness of life, I hadn’t been taking time to be with the Lord. Being with Him is different than doing things for Him. We are all called, no matter where we are planted, but our doing must be an overflow of our being. I recommitted to carving out time to be with the Lord.

The same is true in our marriage. Quality time with our spouse won’t magically happen; we must be intentional about turning toward one another. 

Put it into action tip: Keep a shared note on your phone that you and your spouse can access—drop date night ideas in there as they come to mind. Whatever season you are in, find ways to connect at least once a week. Put it on your calendar and stick to it like an important business meeting.

Remember 

Taking time to remember is a sacred and holy practice that keeps us in tune with the Lord and our spouse. Revelation 2:4-5 says: Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.

When was the last time you reflected on why you chose to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior? How often do you reflect on stories that made you fall in love with your spouse? 

Where our minds go, our lives will follow. Philippians 4:8-9 gives us a beautiful reminder of what to meditate on about our spouse and the Lord: “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice.” (NIV)

Put it into action tip: Write your salvation story and reread it when you need to remember the love that drew you to the Lord. Write or tell stories to your children, friends, or family, remembering what you love about your spouse. It can be from the beginning years of your relationship or something that happened just last week. Every time I see a cookie cake, I remember my husband. 

Repent

The act of repentance is not often discussed in our culture, yet it has the power to draw us back to the heart of the Lord and our spouse. Repentance requires us to humble ourselves and confess areas where we have erred. These regular “heart checks” keep sin, resentment, bitterness, or anything else not from the Lord from taking root in our hearts and destroying our relationships. 

I love this promise from Jeremiah 15:19 (NIV) “Therefore this is what the Lord says: ‘If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me; if you utter worthy, not worthless, words, you will be my spokesman.’”

Our only responsibility is repentance, and the Lord is in charge of restoring relationships. What a relief!

Put it into action tip: Ask the Lord to reveal any sin in your heart that you need to repent and turn away from. Next, ask Him to reveal any areas you need to repent to your spouse. 

Staying connected to the Lord and our spouse takes intentional commitment, but the fruit that follows is worth the work. When you feel distant, remember these three Rs: Return, Remember, and Repent. Repeat as necessary. 
Put it into action tip: Choose one of the tips in this article and implement it this week. The Lord rejoices to see the work begin!