Enjoying Each Other

“God has delivered me from going down to the pit, and I shall live to enjoy the light of life.”
Job 33:28

I was on Jekyll Island, Georgia, speaking at a benefit for a pregnancy care center.  The center put me up in a beautiful resort Jacuzzi room (alas, Lisa wasn’t with me), right on the beach.  I spent the bulk of my forty-eight hours there working wanting to make full use of my time away from my family.  But the afternoon of the benefit, God seemed to call me outside.  The Lord and I went for a walk on the beach, and I had time to clear my thoughts and enjoy a quiet moment with him.

Sadly, I almost missed that walk.  I love the ocean—it reminds me of how small I am, and the wind that invariably greets me I consider a welcome companion.  But I felt so preoccupied with getting a lot done that, had it been up to me, I would have left Georgia without so much as touching a single grain of sand.  God reminded me that, though work is important, he wants us to enjoy life too.

The same principle holds true in marriage.  We can become so consumed with the challenges of marriage—growing in character, doing the right thing, being a servant, getting all the tasks done, paying attention to our children (the list is endless)—that we forget to enjoy each other.

While I firmly believe growth in holiness is one of God’s primary purposes behind marriage, it’s not the only one.  In fact, God’s first stated reason for putting Eve with Adam was that “it is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18).  This points to companionship.  And Deuteronomy 24:5 gave young men an entire year to focus on their wives’ happiness: “If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him.  For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.”

We give God glory when we learn to “enjoy the light of life” (Job 33:28).  Accordingly, the Lord calls us into marriage so that we might enjoy each other.  Please, let’s not allow the realities of life—work, responsibilities, obligations, or even spiritual growth—to blind us to the necessity of enjoying each other’s company.

You can’t pick up a magazine without reading warnings that a couple shouldn’t allow their sex life to wane—but why not just as many warning that we shouldn’t allow our enjoyment of each other to grow lukewarm?  Certainly, sex can be part of this enjoyment, but I’m talking about the more common elements of appreciating each other.  God could have decreed that I walk this earth by myself—but he has blessed me with a companion whose smile and occasionally giddy nature bring delight into many otherwise dreary days.

And yet our weeks and our evenings can get so busy that we miss times set aside for pure enjoyment.  I used to laugh off “date nights” as impractical, but I’ve since come to see their essential place.  A couple needs to set aside some regular time—and the “date” doesn’t have to occur in the evening—when they get together simply to enjoy each other.  This is God’s good plan and design, his gracious gift to us.

When a couple tells me they’ve fallen into constant quarreling, nine times out of ten it’s because their marriage has become utilitarian—who will pick up the kids, did you pay the bills, it’s your turn to cook dinner tonight.  And the element of enjoyment for pure pleasure goes sadly lacking.

When did you last take a step back and admire your spouse, thanking God you don’t have to walk this life alone?  When have you taken the time to enjoy a good conversation or a shared walk, or even watched a movie or read a book together?

Jesus warned that some miracle workers can get so busy serving him that they cease to know him (Matthew 7:21-23).  How utterly sad!  In the same way, we can get so caught up in the “business” of marriage that we stop relating to, loving, and enjoying each other.

Some evening this week, why not shelve all the discussion about what needs to change, what needs to be done, who’s at fault, who’s going to drive the kids to soccer—and instead just go out and do what you like to do together?  As you do so, recognize God as the author of this enjoyment.

“God has delivered me from going down to the pit, and I shall live to enjoy the light of life.”

God designed us to enjoy each other, and we honor him when we experience this quiet pleasure.