Angry and Offendable

Consider this a little confession on a topic where I know others struggle as well. I have a feeling I’m not alone and will be in some good company.

I’m too easily offended and I get angry too quickly.

This is a pattern I’ve experienced over my entire life, but I’m seeing a spike of new examples in recent days.

Why am I so easily offended and why do I get frustrated and sin in my anger?

Here are a few specific examples from the last week:

• One of my teenage sons came home a few nights ago at about 11:30pm. This is well within his midnight curfew, but he was short with me and Kristen. I immediately took it personally, felt my blood pressure rise, and called him a disobedient brat (in my head). 
• In church, I saved seats for my wife and two sons for the 4pm service. The seats were close to the stage and I held the seats so that we could sit together for worship and the message. My family got to church at 4:03 and grabbed four seats in the back section of the church. Instead of coming to the seats I saved, in advance might I add, I was the one who had to walk to the seats in the back. You would have thought it was the most sacrificial act of service anyone in the history of the world has done for their family. I tossed my journal to the ground and put some space between me and Kristen. Super mature, Scott. Just what a marriage pastor should do, right?
• I work out in the small fitness center in our neighborhood. There’s another bald guy (I’m not the only one!), who works out at the gym. I try to say hello to him every time he walks in the gym but he never says hello back. And he slams his weights too hard. For some reason, I get so mad at this guy – for slamming his weights and for not saying hello to me!
• I found out on Monday night that a female member of our church was disappointed in the way we were trying to care for her and her husband in their struggling marriage. I got so offended that she was ’disappointed’ in me. Once again, I am too easily offended and agitated.

I could go on but I think you get the point.

Why am I so easily offended and why do I get frustrated and sin in my anger?

It just so happens that I read two different passages that spoke directly to my easily offendable nature: one was a passage from the Apostle Paul in the book of Ephesians and the other was a paragraph in a book I’m currently reading.

First, let’s look at the Bible. In Ephesians 4:26 and 31, Paul writes, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,….Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.”

Yes, there are times we will experience moments of anger. The fact that the text says “be angry” means it’s acceptable for us to experience anger. It’s a normal emotion for us to feel and we don’t want to be robots who stuff our emotions and pretend they’re not real.

The problem for me, and maybe for you, is that we allow that anger to lead us to sin.

My moments of anger at the guy in the gym frustrate me. I think about it, I let it get under my skin. And this guy has no idea who I am or that I’m angry!

My son is a teenage male. He’s got teen male hormones running through his body. And I have no idea what happened that night—maybe a girl rejected him or someone made fun of him. Maybe he was just tired. Regardless I just don’t need to take it so personally.

In church, I lost the opportunity to sit closer to my wife, to hold her hand during prayers, or to put my arm around her waist during worship. Instead, I allowed frustration to creep into our marriage for an hour. 

I came across this quote from Brant Hansen in the book Unoffendable: How Just One Change Can Make All of Life Better. Hansen writes, “Being told you’re “disappointing” is a way of life. It’s enough to make someone quit, unless—and here’s a big, beautiful unless—we just decide to quit being offended.”

What a novel concept. I can either let someone’s comment that they’re ‘disappointed’ in me wreck my night or I can just choose to be unoffendable. Maybe I did something to disappoint her and I get an opportunity to grow. Or maybe everything in her life is tough because her husband is being difficult. Regardless, what if I simply decided to not be so easily offended.

How about you?

Are you easily offended? Do you sin in your anger?

I don’t want to be so easily and quickly offendable. Today I’m shining a bright light on an area of sin in my life, confessing to you and others that I want and need to grow. As followers of Jesus, we should be the least offendable people around!

Note: If you’re on the receiving end of angry outbursts, make sure you get to safety, widen the circle, and seek help. Call some friends, a pastor, a counselor, or even the police.

I don’t want to be so easily and quickly offendable. Today I’m shining a bright light on an area of sin in my life, confessing to you and others that I want and need to grow. As followers of Jesus, we should be the least offendable people around!

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1. Hansen, B. (2023). Unoffendable: How Just One Change Can Make All of Life Better (1st ed.). Thomas Nelson.