One day in grade school, my daughter came home from school upset. She told us that she was having trouble with her best friend. They’d gotten into a verbal argument, and my daughter said some things that hurt her friend’s feelings. Instead of chastising her for her words, we navigated through what making peace in that situation might look like. She took our advice, and by the next day, they were best friends again.

Being a peacemaker in today’s world is easier said than done. However, by following the following suggestions, your child or grandchild can be someone who not only makes peace but also keeps it. Here are some ways to teach your child or grandchild how to be a peacemaker:

Don’t Engage

In this social media-aged world we live in, culture has normalized people giving their opinions both publicly and in anonymity. Because social media posts allow comments, people have become accustomed to offering opinions on a wide range of topics, whether positive or negative.

It is easy, when haters or trolls post negative comments on posts by people teens admire, to respond negatively. Today’s cancel culture allows a single sound byte from a person to cause them to lose their reputation or even their voice in society.

Despite the temptation to debate or argue with others on social media about their posts, your teen mustn’t engage with haters. Jesus, when the religious rulers made all types of false accusations against him, said nothing. They called him a blasphemer and a false prophet because he was claiming to be God. Yet, Jesus didn’t engage with them. In fact, when the temptation to defend himself would have been at its highest, Jesus chose silence.

An essential key to being a peacemaker is wanting to be in right relationship, rather than being right. Even when your teen may be morally right in a particular situation, it is best not to engage with those whose minds have not been transformed by the Holy Spirit. Some teens even like to post such negative comments as clickbait so that they will draw people into arguing with them.

Arguments over senseless matters will only seek to destroy relationships, not repair them. Encourage your child or grandchild not to engage when people are talking on social media. Tell them instead to anchor themselves in the word of God, and they will know the truth. This way, when false videos and posts appear in their social media feeds, they know what the truth is.

Live out Romans 12:18

Romans 12:18 is one of the best verses when it comes to being a peacemaker in a world full of tension, strife, and conflict: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (NIV) We live in a society where people are more than willing to end relationships over a single negative interaction. However, Scripture emphasizes the importance of striving to build good relationships with others. For example, Matthew 5:23-24 tells us, “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” This verse emphasizes the importance of reconciliation over behavior. Often, we attend church holding a grudge against our brother or sister but go through the religious motions and pretend like that’s not the case. God knows what’s in our hearts. He would rather have us reconcile with a brother or sister in Christ than accept an offering or sacrifice in His name.

Help your child or grandchild navigate through complex relationships. First, tell them to take ownership of their part. Even if they were right in the situation, they may not have delivered that information as kindly as they could. Ask them to examine their hearts and identify parts of the situation where they can take responsibility. Then, encourage them to have an in-person conversation with their friends.

Tell them to begin the conversation by apologizing and owning their part. Then, using I statements, allow them to express their feelings regarding the conflict or difficult situation. Communicating their feelings is essential in repairing the relationship. Finally, let the other person respond to what they’ve heard. Additionally, allow them to express their feelings and emotions regarding the situation. Encourage them to end by asking if they can reconcile their relationship. Even if reconciliation cannot be achieved or trust has been irreparably broken, your child has done their best by living out Romans 12:18, and God was honored through that.

Practice Tact

Christians often misunderstand the concept of being a peacemaker. Christians usually think that if they don’t say anything, or when a situation becomes difficult, they simply shrug their shoulders and say that’s OK, that they’re being a peacemaker. However, the opposite can be true. Just as peace is not the total absence of fear, being a peacemaker is not the total absence of conflict. Rather, being a peacemaker is allowing people to express themselves fully, be accepted as who they are, and find diplomatic solutions for all parties involved.

Additionally, being a peacemaker doesn’t always mean saying positive things to people all the time. Instead, it states the truth in a way that encourages gentleness and respect rather than harshness and condemnation. The next time your teen has an issue with someone, encourage them to come to you with it. Help them role-play what it would look like for them to respond tactfully in that way. For example, if a friend asked them a challenging question about their character or another personality trait, your adolescent could react in a way that gently encourages them to become better people. They can be people who speak the truth, love, and build others up with their words.

Being a peacemaker in a tumultuous world is not easy. However, increasing children’s discernment regarding when to speak and when to remain silent, as well as what words to use and how to deliver them, will help ensure that they create more peace than conflict in most situations.

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