We Christians don’t like to think about something not being changeable. One of our favorite sayings is “prayer changes things,” and it does! But what happens when you encounter something that can’t be changed . . . an automobile accident . . . being fired from your job. . . the death of a family member? How do you pray so you can find inner peace and move on with your life?
I don’t know how I would have handled times like these if I hadn’t learned from Jesus how to pray. He had something unchangeable in His life . . . dying on the cross. While in one sense He voluntarily gave His life, in another sense He didn’t have a choice if he wanted to please God and do His will.
While all of Jesus’ prayers have helped me at some time or another, three of His prayers in particular have helped me and continue to help me come to terms with things I can’t change.
“Now my heart is troubled . . .” (John 12:27a, NIV)
Moving toward the cross was fraught with tension which increased the closer He got. On one occasion as tension wrapped itself around Him, Jesus admitted He was troubled, and He did this in front of people indicating to me that feelings aren’t something to hide.
His confession helped me to see that it is all right and even desirable to admit to being troubled. This is good to know because strong emotions such as anger, resentment, grief, and sadness often accompany things we can’t change.
Obviously, in a sense God already knows what we are feeling, but telling Him frees up inner space, reduces the impact of those feelings,, and gives God room to come in and do a work of grace. God will not be shocked or surprised by what we have to say.
This process of releasing our emotions and gaining valuable inner space may take several prayer sessions. Our feelings, especially if they have been held onto for some time, may need a gradual letting go, but each time we pray, the intensity lessens, and we gain strength and wisdom to face what needs to be faced.
“Father . . . take this cup from me . . .” (Luke 22:42, NIV)
In the Garden of Gethsemane, when death was imminent, Jesus prayed for an escape. This is something I’ve also found helpful when dealing with something I can’t change.
It may seem incongruous to even suggest asking for an escape when it is about something unchangeable, yet I found praying this way helpful. For example, when one of my sons was scheduled for a complicated surgery that I could hardly bear the thought of him enduring, let alone the weeks of tedious recovery that would follow, I prayed over and over, “God, don’t ask me to go through this.”
Now obviously, since the surgery was in the child’s best interest and he wanted the surgery, there was no escape. Still, praying for an escape eased my tension, and enabled me finally to say as Jesus said, “Yet not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42). In response, God gave me the strength to face what I thought I couldn’t face, and the surgery and the recovery are now history.
“Father, into your hands, I commit my spirit” (Luke 23:46)
Even when we have made strides in dealing with what we can’t change through releasing emotion and asking for an escape, there may still be some residue that continues to replay itself over and over. Thoughts like these may keep us from having inner peace:’ if I hadn’t taken that road . . . if the economy had been different . . . if I hadn’t made so many mistakes’, etc. If we really want to gain peace about what we can’t change and move ahead, we may need to give it to God as Jesus did when He prayed from the cross, “Father, into your hands, I commit my spirit” (Luke 23:46).
Following this prayer of commitment, Jesus bowed his head, gave up His spirit, and died. For Jesus the strife was over, and peace came to Jesus after his long battle and contentment knowing he had completed His task.
Even though Jesus had experienced the terrible pain of the cross and endured ridicule, He deposited his life and death into God’s hands. We can do the same with what we can’t change. When we have wrestled repeatedly with what we can’t change, we can eventually give it to God.
Once we do, we’ll experience inner peace. Our perspective will change. We will be able to move on and embrace life. Our inner agitation will cease, and we’ll realize we have options. We’ll see possibilities for what is. I believe this is what Jesus meant when He said, “Unless a kernel of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds” (John 12:24). Many possibilities can come forth from our situation once we give it to God.
As I said, these three prayers have helped me handle many unchangeables in my life and are still helping me as I am currently dealing with one we all have to face—aging! Oh, I know there are things we can do to slow down aging, but we will still age and as we do, we come face to face with another unchangeable—the end of our earthly life.
There are days when this gets me down, and that’s when I find I have to express emotions, ask for an escape, and work at depositing aging into God’s hands. When I manage to do this, then my eyes are opened to the possibilities of the here and now, and life takes on renewed meaning, purpose, and productivity.
Author Info
Brenda Poinsett
Brenda Poinsett works with women who want a new lease on life and with groups who want to be inspired and educated through teaching, speaking, and writing. She’s the author of 22 books including You’ve Got It, I Want It and 30 Days of Hope for Dealing with Depression.
