A few years ago, we had some good friends over for the weekend. As we hopped in the car to show them around the area, we left both our children and their children behind. As all four children were in their late teens, we assumed they would strike up a conversation, identify things they had in common, and have a good time just sharing conversation and talking about their lives.

However, upon our return, we asked them how everything went. “Good,” my daughter said, shrugging her shoulders. When we asked what they talked about, she looked at me like she didn’t know what I was talking about. We probed further. “Did you ask them what their school is like? Did you ask them what type of activities they do at school?” This was again met with blank stares and silence. We and our friends quickly surmised that the kids didn’t talk about anything! They simply sat on their phones, ignored each other, and played video games.

Unfortunately, teens have lost the ability to communicate. Because we live in a technologically advanced world, teens and younger generations can struggle to cultivate healthy communication skills. They expect their parents or someone else to tell them what to say. When they can’t come up with anything, they may choose to sit in silence, disconnect, and ignore people around them. This creates an environment for isolation, loneliness, and disconnection.

Today, it is more difficult than ever for your kids or grandkids to maintain healthy relationships. However, if they do have healthy relationships in their lives, it is important to put in the work to maintain them. As with anything worthwhile in life, maintaining healthy relationships benefits not only the other person but also the person maintaining them. Most importantly, it reflects Christ’s presence in our lives. Here are some ways to maintain healthy relationships in your life:

Regulate Emotions

Conflict in a relationship can cause a fight or flight response and can come with some big emotions. Deep breathing helps a person’s physical well-being by promoting full inhalation, filling the lungs with the oxygen needed to survive. This also helps a person’s mental state. To use this strategy, inhale, filling both lungs and the diaphragm, for a count of ten seconds. Hold your breath for ten seconds. Then slowly exhale, emptying the lungs using the diaphragm. Repeat this exercise for ten straight minutes. A person can use an additional strategy of tightening and relaxing the shoulders.

Regulating emotions is critical to maintaining healthy relationships. Because kids are still developing the skills to control their big emotions like anger or sadness, it can be a lot for a teen who doesn’t have the skills to cope or the perseverance to stick with that relationship. This may lead to the end of a friendship simply because your child or grandchild is not equipped to handle the conflict. Teach them the difference between self-control and assertiveness. While there’s nothing wrong with being assertive with someone, it is crucial to ensure they resist lashing out so that both your child and the other person feel emotionally safe in the situation.

Reach Out

In the technologically advanced world in which we live, it is easy to get bogged down in the business of life. It’s easy to want to get together regularly with friends, only to find that a month has passed. Meaningful relationships take time. They must carve time out of their busy schedules to maintain those relationships. Encourage them to contact one person with whom they’d like to keep a good relationship. This can be someone they talk with regularly, or it can be someone with whom they haven’t spoken in a while. Surprisingly, they may find that the person wants to hear from them, too. Have your child ask them if they would like to spend some time together. Whether it’s eating a meal, playing a game, or doing another fun activity, the time they spend with others is worthwhile.

Extend the Olive Branch

We may want to mend a relationship that once was healthy but is now broken. Consider contacting that person. Offer to make amends in whatever way the relationship is broken. Offer an apology if emotional distance has become an issue. Offer to do what you can to mend it. Plan to reach out more regularly and stick to that plan.

Although reconciliation is not possible in every situation, it is important not only for children but also as Christian parents and grandparents to teach your kids how to live at peace with others. Putting the work into maintaining healthy relationships not only lives out verses like Romans 12:18 but also helps kids develop perseverance in relationships. Too often, kids cast off friendships because they feel they’re not worthwhile or worth the effort to maintain. By making amends with those whose relationships are broken, they’re not only learning about forgiveness and reconciliation, but also perseverance.

Not every relationship is healthy, but we must do what we can to ensure our relationships are as healthy as possible. This not only demonstrates a Godly example, but also helps maintain our physical, emotional, and mental well-being.

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