” ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness.’ … So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:26-27, NIV).

It was in God’s plan to make men and women different from each other from the moment He imagined us. The original plan was to use these differences as a starting point for building intimate, fulfilling relationships. But in our sin-filled world, what started out as an advantage has become a frequent source of frustration.

The original plan was to use [our] differences as a starting point for building intimate, fulfilling relationships. But in our sin-filled world, what started out as an advantage has become a frequent source of frustration.

Despite the frustration, the vast majority of us have an undeniable desire to have great relationships with the opposite sex. We want both male and female friends, we want successful business relationships with both men and women, and we want marriages that are happy and harmonious.

If you want to have relationships that add to your life, it seems to us that the place to start is with an understanding of the uniqueness each gender brings to the relationship.

God’s Word gives us a first step:

“Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” (Romans 15:7, NIV)

So, instead of trying to change each other, spend time accepting and appreciating God’s design. We like to think of them this way: Men are like Waffles; Women are like Spaghetti.

Men Are Like Waffles

When we say that men are like waffles, we do not mean that men “waffle” on all decisions. What we mean is that men compartmentalize, processing life in boxes. If you look at a waffle, you see a collection of boxes — all separate from each other — that make convenient holding places. Their thinking is divided into boxes that have room for one issue. The first issue of life goes in the first box, the second goes in the second box and so on. The typical man lives in one box at a time and one box only. When a man is at work, he is at work. When he is in the garage tinkering around, he is in the garage tinkering. When he is watching TV, he is simply watching TV. That is why he looks as though he is in a trance and can ignore everything else going on around him.

Men Problem Solve

As a result, men are problem-solvers by nature. They enter a box, size up the “problem,” and formulate a solution. A man will strategically organize his life in boxes and then spend most of his time in the boxes in which he can succeed. Conversely, he will ignore the boxes that confuse him or make him feel like a failure. A wise wife will compliment instead of criticize resulting in her husband feeling more successful and happier.

Men also take a “success” approach to communication. If a man believes he can successfully talk with his wife and reach a desirable outcome, he will be highly motivated to converse. If, on the other hand, the conversation seems pointless to him or he finds understanding his wife impossible, he loses his motivation to talk and clams up.

The “success” drive is why men find it so easy to develop hobbies that consume their time. If a man finds something he is good at, it makes him feel good about himself and about his life. Yard projects become expressions of his personality. The car becomes his signature. Fishing becomes an all-consuming pursuit. Because a man knows what he will get back from his computer, he may spend more time with his keyboard while he spends less time face-to-face with his wife.

One other insight on males, they have a “nothing box” that is blank, and they like to park in this box to lower stress. In addition, most men have a few favorite easy boxes, like the hobbies listed above. They like to spend time in their “easy boxes” to rest and recharge. Smart couples will identify these restorative boxes and allow time for a husband to rejuvenate in these boxes, A wise man will find a few of these favorite boxes and invite his wife to enjoy these activities with him.

Women Are Like Spaghetti

In contrast to men’s waffle-like approach, women process life more like a plate of pasta. A plate of spaghetti holds lots of individual noodles that all touch one another. If you attempt to follow one noodle around the plate, you will intersect a lot of other noodles. And you might even seamlessly switch to another noodle. That is how women face life. Every thought and issue connects to every other thought and issue in some way. Life is much more of a process for women than it is for men.

Women Multitask

If one were to study a woman’s brain, they would observe women have more connections between the two hemispheres. So, by divine design, women are typically better at multitasking than men. A woman can talk on the phone, prepare a meal, make a shopping list, work on the agenda for tomorrow’s business meeting, give instructions to her children as they are going out to play and close the door with her foot — without skipping a beat. Because all her thoughts, emotions and convictions are connected, most women process more information and handle more activities with joy.

Because all her thoughts, emotions and convictions are connected, most women process more information and handle more activities with joy.

 They solve problems but from a much different perspective than men. Women consistently sense the need to talk things through. In conversation a woman can link together the logical, emotional, relational and spiritual aspects of the issue. The links come to her naturally, so the conversation may appear effortless.

This often creates significant stress for couples because while she is making all the connections, he is frantically jumping boxes trying to keep up with the conversation. The man’s eyes are rolling back in his head while a tidal wave of information is swallowing him up. When she is done, she feels better, and he is overwhelmed.

A wise husband will learn to admire her ability to connect thoughts, and instead of reacting in anger, he will gain more intimacy if he simply asks, “Honey, can you tell me more?” Instead of interrupting, he will gain appreciation from his wife if he listens attentively, then simply asks, “Want a hug? Or do you want some help with this?”

Men and women may approach life differently, by God’s design, so as a husband and wife read and apply God’s Word, they will grow to value one another and delight in the differences.

“And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” (Colossians 3:14 NIV)