I walk into my local church sanctuary. I smile at the greeters as I slide through the sanctuary door and into my seat. I stare at my phone as I wait for service to begin. Ironically, I come to church to fellowship with my fellow brothers and sisters, yet no one approaches me and says hello. I wait for anyone to stretch out a hand, say “Good morning,” and ask my name or how long I’ve been attending. But that invitation never comes. 

The music starts. We all throw our hands up in surrender as the music begins. We sway back and forth to the lively, contemporary music. We clap on beat. The pastor starts his preaching. I take copious notes so I can learn more about God’s word. I close my eyes as the prayer team approaches the altar and beckons people to pray.

I waffle between going up to pray and staying in my seat. I don’t want to be known as someone who needs prayer in the front, so I remain in my seat. I hang around at the end of the service. I pour myself a cup of tea and wait patiently, standing alone in the center of the sanctuary. Yet, many people pass me by as they scurry to their Sunday morning activities or talk to their friends.

I’m in a room full of fellow Christians. Yet even though the room is full, I feel utterly alone.

Everyone longs for true community. We all want to be known, seen, and appreciated for who we are. Yet, the Sunday morning model rarely gives room and space for people to be fully known. At best, we sip a cup of coffee as we meander through the sanctuary, having superficial conversations about how our week was and how our kids are. Yet the most resounding cries of our hearts remain unaddressed.

Everyone longs for true community. We all want to be known, seen, and appreciated for who we are.

We are more isolated than ever before. After COVID, mental illness skyrocketed. This is because people felt alone and were plagued with mental health disorders like anxiety and depression. The church should be the shining light where people can come and receive the connection and intimacy they desperately long for. But in the current church setting, how can we achieve true community? Here are some ways we can do that:

Small Groups

Because the Sunday service model leaves only superficial conversation, we must make room for time to share our stories with others. This small group model primes us for that community. Trust and intimacy are built when we meet in small groups regularly and share our stories. As we meet with the same people weekly, trust and intimacy are built. Those same people champion our trials, encourage us in our successes, and love us no matter what.

The small group model is single-handedly the best way for people to achieve true community within the church setting. It leaves room for us to share our stories with honesty and vulnerability. We can also be sharpened when others give wise counsel and share their stories. We can be known there and know others as well.

Volunteer

It is one thing to attend church; it is quite another to volunteer in it. When we open our hearts to serve others, we become more Christlike. God sharpens us into the people he wants us to be. When we are serving others, we gain their trust. We let people know we are there to help them without strings attached. Whether it’s on a prayer team, on the worship team, or a greeter at church on Sunday, we can let people know that we are available to help them in any way we can. Volunteer service is what sets us apart from other social clubs. Social clubs are where we go and receive from others selfishly—the church is where we go to serve selflessly.

Prayer

Church is a place where we can share our prayer requests with others. Whether it’s a group chat with some friends or seeking out the help of a volunteer on the prayer team, prayer is another excellent way for us to receive encouragement and connect with others. When we ask others for prayer, we share honestly and vulnerably with our lives.

When we let down our guards and let people know that we are fallible humans, people can uplift us when we need help.

This allows other people to get to know us and know our struggles. When we let down our guards and let people know that we are fallible humans, people can uplift us when we need help. There is nowhere in the Bible where people live life alone. From Adam and Eve to the twelve apostles, God commands us not to be alone. We are meant to live in community with each other, but seeking out these ways outside of the Sunday church service is the best way to achieve the community we desperately crave.

True community requires vulnerability. By connecting with a local church body, sharing prayer requests, serving others, and connecting in a small group, we can share a part of ourselves with others and, in return, allow others to share pieces of themselves with us.