You need to go to the hospital. Your mom’s not breathing.

These words pierced my heart as I heard them from my brother-in-law, who called late at night to tell my husband and me that my mother had stopped breathing and was taken to the hospital. Upon entering the hospital, we were ushered into the bereavement room, where we waited for 45 minutes. As my father, sister, and I waited to hear the news, we prepared for the worst. The doctor and nurse came in to tell us that my mom did not make it. Shellshocked, we walked into the room to see her. We lamented about how quickly she had passed and how we didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.

As we left the hospital and went to our separate homes, we began the process of grief. A myriad of emotions flooded my heart as the months passed. Some days, I wept with memories of my mother. Other days, I was angry that I never got to say goodbye. Eventually, after a few years, I was able to get to the acceptance part of grief and move on with my life.

Society does not do grief well. We often want to stuff difficult emotions, bury them, and not deal with them effectively.

Society does not do grief well. We often want to stuff difficult emotions, bury them, and not deal with them effectively. Usually, we attend a funeral, go to a reception, and then are expected to move on with our lives as if nothing had happened. This is how I felt as I went back to work just a week after my mother’s funeral. I felt like the world was spinning around me, but I stood still.

Many people asked questions about how I was doing for the first week or two after my mother’s passing. But soon, the calls stopped coming, the flowers died, and the leftover casseroles from friends were tossed in the garbage. The people who have lost loved ones are still grieving while the world moves on with its life. People in grief need support even if they don’t quite know what type of support they need.

We can be the support people need in their lives. Here are a few ways to help people through the grieving process:

Extend a Hand

Sometimes, a grieving person merely wants someone to sit with them and let them grieve. They need to talk and rehash the memories of their loved ones. Sometimes, it’s too difficult for them to talk about, and they want someone to talk about other topics to keep their minds occupied. Whatever the grieving person needs, be the person who can meet it.

Sometimes, they need something repaired in their home, caring for children or other people left behind, or they may need help getting their financial affairs in order. Whatever the person needs, be the person who will help them. Lend a hand wherever it is needed.

People in grief need support even if they don’t quite know what type of support they need.

Talk with Them

The last thing people need when they’re grieving is a platitude or trite phrase about “heaven needing another angel,” or “God does not give us more than we can handle.” Often, people want someone to cry with them or hold them in their grief. They want to be honest around them and share their vulnerability with others.

It’s great to share about your loved ones. If it’s not too painful, talking about the loved one keeps their memory alive. This might be a source of comfort for the person grieving. Sometimes, the best thing a person can do is not speak at all but instead be there for them and let them cry, get angry, or express any other complex emotion associated with grief.

Pray for Them

Although this seems simplistic, the best thing you can do for someone who’s grieving is to pray for them. Pray for God’s comfort and for the Holy Spirit to be there with them in their grief. Share Scripture with them and help them to hold on to God’s promises during this turbulent time.

For some, they may be entering the depression phase of grief and may need a boost to their spirit, helping them keep hope in a time full of despair. Remind them of God’s promises and let them know they are not alone. Although we cannot feel what they are feeling, we can demonstrate empathy and compassion by simply being there in their time of need.

Journal

Encourage them to journal. Journaling is an excellent way for a person to release their emotions associated with grief appropriately and privately. Grief can cause embarrassment and shame to someone if they have a sudden outburst of feeling at a seemingly inappropriate time. Writing those feelings down can helps a person heal.

Journaling can be an excellent way for them to write out everything they think and feel without feeling judged or condemned for their actions. They can hold on to the journal when they go further into the grieving process to remind themselves of where they are and how God has led them. They can also throw out the journal as a symbolic way of allowing themselves to move on.

Grief is a difficult concept that encompasses many different difficult emotions. Be an example of Christ by being with someone who is grieving. Go the extra mile and be the person who serves them, is present with them, and lets them share their loved one’s memories.